Finding out that test was negative was like someone kicked me right in the gut, right where it hurt the most. Why the fuck isn’t this working? I’ve never had any issues, irregular periods, nothing.
But this left me in a weird spot. A big decision to make. I have one, yes ONE vial left of my chosen donor. And let me tell you, I kick myself in the ass a lot for what feels like wasting sperm on at home tries. I really wanted it to work naturally because that’s what my body is meant to do. Right?
With only having one vial left, I had a few choices:
- Try another medicated IUI with this vial.
- It works, yay! Then I have the daunting task of finding another donor for future siblings. So they wouldn’t be full siblings, which I wasn’t super concerned about.
- It doesn’t work, and I have to find another donor regardless.
I never thought I’d need a doctor to get pregnant in the first place, let alone meds, and shots, and all of these things. I mean, according to sex education, when we’re a kid, they make it seem like if you have sex, you get pregnant. No fucking questions asked. Sex, pregnant. Sex, pregnant. Obviously, it’s not fucking like that. I find myself resenting women who get kicked up so quickly—especially those who did it on accident, those who don’t even want kids, etc. Then there are people like me or people who have done rounds and rounds of IVF and are still lucky to get pregnant. If you’ve struggled to conceive, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I know it’s not their fault, but it doesn’t hurt any less seeing it.
So I needed to make this decision quickly. Otherwise, I’d possibly have to wait another month. Further postponing all of this. I didn’t want to wait. Real fucking talk, I’m 35 in June. I’m not getting younger, and neither are my eggs. Also, I chose the donor for a reason. He fit all the criteria I wanted, he has known pregnancies (a few I’ve seen, and they’re cute as fuck), and we’ve already done genetic testing and whatnot.
So I weighed the options. I also asked in this single mother by choice group how quickly some switched to IVF. Some immediately went to it due to circumstances. Some did up to 8 IUIs before switching. 8!! I can’t imagine. I also don’t have that option. A lot of them said, due to my age, my one vial, etc., that IVF was the best route.
I scoured over stats on IUI vs. IVF. The chances of getting pregnant jump significantly. IUI chances are still pretty low, close to trying to conceive naturally, despite the meds and such. IVF jumps to over 50% chance vs. like 10-20%. Those are excellent odds. There are also things you get with IVF that you don’t get naturally or with IUI. You get to have your embryos testing for genetic mutations, chromosomal abnormalities, etc., and the option to choose the gender.
But the most significant selling point for me? This 1 vial can be used so much more than if we did an IUI. It takes 1 sperm to fertilize an embryo. That vial has like 6,000,000 working swimmers. That means if we have multiple embryos, and I can get pregnant quicker, I can have embryos on ice for the possibility of siblings later!
Sign me up! Jk, it wasn’t that easy. IVF is expensive AS FUCK. Like at least $20,000, including meds, procedures, testing, etc. What in the actual fuck? It’s expensive to stay alive in this country, and it’s expensive to bring life into this world. Not to mention, it’s waaaay more shots than with the IUI. Oh, and it includes surgery. It’s a lot.
But ultimately I think this is the best route for me personally, for my age and what I’m trying to accomplish and to make my dreams come true. The only thing I’ve truly wanted my entire life is to become a mom. That’s it. I was born for that. I can’t let shots, and surgery, and money stand in the way. I’ll do it and conquer them all!
So IVF here we come. I am lucky to have parents who can help some. I mean the past 12 months have been a dumpster fire, so I don’t have a mound of just in case IVF cash hiding. However, when I posted about my test the other day and the chance of IVF, I got a bunch of DMs and some comments asking how you could donate. I wasn’t going to do it but a few suggested I start a GoFundMe. And to be honest, I’m honored and humbled that you would want to donate to help me realize my dream. You can find it here: GoFundMe. If you want to donate directly I also have Venmo or Paypal. Below is the video I made for the GoFundMe. If you’re a crier who cries when people cry, get tissues haha.
I truly want to thank you in advance for any help you can give and have given thus far. This is going to be a big adventure and we’re starting quickly. I’m going to make some more videos sharing the journey to go keep an eye out for those on TikTok.
I would absolutely love it if you could share this post, share the GoFundMe, etc. Spreading the word can only help me in this journey. It could even help someone else who feels alone in this process. 🖤