There are so many things in pregnancy that are societal norms of what you’re supposed to do. How or when you announce, things you do during your pregnancy, not supposed to call your kid an asshole, etc.
I personally, as you obviously know by now, am a completely open book. In this world full of fake influencers, celebrities, and people who severely edit their life only to show you a highly curated or photoshopped view of it, we need more fucking truth and realness. Here I am! Haha.
I’ve never been one to sugarcoat shit or beat around the bush. I am certainly not one to follow societal norms. So this pregnancy will be no different. I was talking to my friend Alissa, who you’ll get aquatinted with really soon. I told her that I don’t know how I’ll hold out 12 weeks before telling everyone. Alissa, who delivered baby Anna stillborn last year, said something to me that really hit me.
Why do you not have to tell people? That’s a ridiculous rule. “Till your safe” fuck that. There isn’t a safe period. I learned that the hard way. So the only people it protects is other people having to feel sad for you if you miscarry. It’s so dumb. We should announce any damn time we feel like it.
I resonated with it so hard because that’s how I live every single aspect of my life. Somehow the “norms” snuck their way into my brain regarding pregnancy.
The reason people wait until they’re out of their first trimester because then the miscarriage rate drops significantly. Between 10 and 25 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and roughly 80 percent of these miscarriages occur in the first trimester. So obviously it’s a valid reason, but also, if you experience a miscarriage, it happened. Whether you tell people or not, you’re still having to process and go through a miscarriage. Alissa was right, you’re saving other people from the feelings of it. Let’s be honest, I’m going to be the one dealing with it the hardest so if I want to share early, I will.
Plus most miscarriages are caused by factors beyond a mother’s control. Telling people isn’t what caused it. Why not tell people and end up with a support system. Maybe your close friends have had them. Perhaps you find and connect with others who have also experienced a miscarriage. To me, following this tradition is along the lines of editing your life to fit other peoples standards.
Tell people early if you want. You’re the one doing this, carrying a baby, and giving up your body. Do whatever the fuck you want on your own schedule.
RobynMarch 30, 2019 at 1:54 pm
I didn’t share my current pregnancy news with the public until 12 weeks, but I did share my story of two miscarriages this last October, which is/was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. I was AMAZED at the amount of people who told me they were praying for me and thinking of me and sending good vibes when I finally announced the pregnancy that stuck. It’s absolutely worth being vulnerable at the beginning because there are so many people out there rooting for you.
Katie SellerMarch 30, 2019 at 3:01 pm
Right?! I feel like connection is more of what we need and we can connect on the trauma and the celebration. We need to do more of it!