Probably a Good Time to Tell You… I’m Fucking Pregnant!

March 4, 2022

I cannot believe I didn’t post here. It’s not surprising; the podcast has gone quiet too. I had my transfer, and then BAM fell off the blog world. Well, it’s been a fucking whirlwind. It took about 12 tests to fully believe what I was seeing. There’s an actual line. Then I got the positive digital test, and I was shocked.

It worked. It fucking worked! My first frozen embryo transfer, and I couldn’t believe it. I had faith that my doctor was putting everything possible into it to make it successful, but it’s never guaranteed. Like never. The percentage, even with IVF is still not 100%.

I told my mom I wouldn’t test, that I’d wait it out. I was working and doing my thing on day 4 post-transfer when suddenly I got a wild hair up my ass to test. I was torn between this will be negative because it’s likely too early, and what if?! I tested, and bam, a light as fuck line that could make you fucking wonder, haha.

See?? I even used an app that inverts the color to see it better. The app didn’t say” pregnant” because it’s so hard to see. So I tried not to get excited yet and test again the next day. You stare at it long enough that you’re wondering if your eyes are playing tricks, or maybe it’s an evap line, or perhaps it’s legit.

I continued to test, and continued, and continued. I legit probably used 20 ish tests. They consistently got darker. Even just day 5 was darker, which made me think, FUCK this might be real.

See, I took A LOT. I waited until I had a decent line to share with my closest people because I wanted to make sure it was legit. As if this many tests weren’t enough, haha. It turns out it was real. I know, holy fuck. I had hope, but like, the percentages on IVF are still not 100%, so it scares you. Especially when you know, there’s only 1 more embryo on ice, unless I want to go through the entire egg retrieval thing again. Ugh. But I don’t have to, IT WORKED.

I told my parents, dad was skeptical per usual; he wanted to make sure it for sure stuck. Mom cried. I told the best friends, they all called. No surprise, haha. I texted my friend who was also pregnant + had been helping me read tests. I was skeptical, too, until I got a digital test. Her text helped too.

I had about 4 BETA appointments where they tested my blood for HCG to make sure the numbers kept on rising. I didn’t have the highest number to start, but as long as they kept growing by at least 1.5x, I was happy, and so was the doctor. I had to keep testing and impatiently wait for a 6-week appointment to make sure babe was not only stuck but was in the right spot (not in my fallopian tube, etc.). The 6-week appointment finally rolled around and seeing that tiny little blob was the craziest experience. He stuck, he actually stuck.

Then came the 7-week appointment. I had flown home just before it and was so excited to see the tiny bean again. There he was, a little bit bigger and still kicking it. They called me post-appointment and told me I had what was known as an SCH, or subchorionic hemorrhage. Um, I’m sorry, a what?! They found it at 6 weeks, and it was bigger by 7. Not only that, but I started to feel like utter shit. Oh, surprise, you have Covid too! Yay…

So, unfortunately, I had to spend a few weeks in bed, nursing this with what I could that was pregnancy safe and not being able to go in for scheduled ultrasounds. That was the most frustrating part. I literally would have gone in when the office was closed, no one else was there, and I would have worn a hazmat suit if that’s what it would have taken. The doctor said nope. Finally, I had been out of the timeline according to the CDC! Mom had come to check in on me, so I booked a private ultrasound at a local place here because I was terrified of what this virus and all the coughing might have done to the tiny bean. I heard his heartbeat for the first time, and I fucking cried. To have weeks of anxiety and not knowing a damn thing, I cried.

Sigh of fucking relief!

Besides having Covid, I was fortunate not to have any morning sickness, but man, was I fucking exhausted during the first trimester. I napped every single day. The second trimester rolled around, and the energy came back a little bit, but I got hit with an enjoyable thing known as SPD (symphysis pubic dysfunction). This means I can’t sit down for longer than 5 minutes because if I do, it feels like I got kicked in the vag when I stand up. I also can’t stand or walk around for too long because, well, same fucking thing. Something I never thought I’d do, lay down for most of the day and ice my vagina. Yup. I’ve got my set up on the couch so I can lay with my legs propped up to alleviate the pain but also allow me to work still and get my shit done. It’s been fun, haha.

Also, I’m disabled on Instagram. So if you’ve looked for me, I don’t currently exist. They decided I broke the rules and disabled my account. I have appealed it multiple times and still no answer. So, for now, I’m using a backup here.

I will leave this for now and pick it up with the next post leading up to this upcoming delivery!