This topic is something I’ve always wanted to write about in a little more depth. If you’ve listened to any episodes of my Boss as Fuck Podcast, I mention it a few times, and I’ve become increasingly passionate about it. I’ve talked about the horrific encounter with my ex that fucked with my self-esteem for quite some time. I mentioned that it took a lot of work but I never said how much time. To be honest, a lot of time. That happened in 2004 I think? For years I was still not comfortable with myself and certainly not in love with myself. I slowly started working on it but had a turnaround moment around 2012.
Before starting Metal Marvels and after a not so fun break up I decided I needed to get away. I took off on a 7-hour road trip, booked a hotel that day, and spent a few days in San Francisco, alone. I forced myself out of my comfort zone to explore the city alone, eat alone, see the sights, and more importantly, spend quality time with myself. I decided to take the bus to the northern viewpoint of the Golden Gate Bridge. I then walked to the smack dab middle of the bridge and stood there at sunset. I should mention, sunset is my favorite time of day. No matter where you are, a sunset is fucking gorgeous.
I stood there alone taking in the sunset, letting my mind clear and bringing it back to me and what I wanted out of life. I started crying. Not necessarily sad tears or happy. There was a bit of mourning for the relationship that ended but I also realized I deserved more from everything in life. This meant from myself also. From that moment I started working on myself.
Don’t get me wrong; there were bumps along the way. A relationship that should have worked but I screwed it up. One that definitely shouldn’t have happened. A lot of figuring out who I am and what I want out of life. One thing that I realized is that I was waiting for other people to do things. I was waiting for other people to be able to get time off to go on vacation. I was waiting and trying to find the perfect person to spend my life with that would make it possible for me to start a family sooner rather than later. I was waiting for other people.
After that San Francisco trip, I realized that I would no longer wait on other people. I’ve since taken a solo trip to Seattle which was amazing. I took a solo trip to the Bahamas for my 30th birthday. It was one of the best trips of my life and why I stress to everyone they need to travel alone at least a few times in their life. Hell, I up and moved states alone. In the past couple years I came up with my deathbed theory, and it’s stuck and resonated with me and my life.
My Deathbed Theory
In the end, you are the one on the deathbed. Not your family, not your friends, not your kids, and not your significant other. I refuse to end up on that bed with regrets because I chose to do or not to do something in my life simply because someone else wanted it. I refuse to live for anyone but myself.
Me, Katie Seller.
Stop waiting for other people to influence how you live. Stop holding back because you fear what others might think. In the end, and yes even with a spouse and kids, it’s your fucking life. While yes, up and leaving your family and moving to England, probably not the best choice. However, staying in the job that makes you want to poke your eyes out daily, is stupid. Not taking that vacation because you might have to pinch pennies a few months and what would people think?! GO ON A FUCKING VACATION! Get the tattoo. Dye your hair. Quit your job. Marry the person you love, even if it’s been a week. Have a baby on your own. Adopt a kid. Move to another state. Buy that house. Literally do whatever the fuck it is you want to do, because it’s your life.
Living based on someone else’s opinions will only result in you being in that deathbed with regret. Please don’t do that shit, you deserve more than that.
